


Just A Little Late

by KiroAngel



Series: The SoulMark Collection [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-01-25 17:10:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1656101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KiroAngel/pseuds/KiroAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus Lupin always thought he would be lonely. What with being a werewolf, how could he possibly not? It seems that he is destined to never find happiness, not even when he receives his Soul Mark at sixteen years old. It takes him another twenty eight years to be with his love but, he thinks, it is still worth it. Because he isn't destined to be alone after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hogwarts Era

**Author's Note:**

> Additional Warnings: There is some graphic violence, I guess, but Remus does it to himself while in werewolf form. I didn't exactly want to put that in the warnings up there^ so I did it here. Just read it, okay, I promise you won't throw up or something. Maybe.
> 
> Also, because I want to put this here, this will be spanning a long time. It won't go into a whole lot of detail, but full scenes go from Remus's Sorting to six months after the Battle of Hogwarts. So don't start if you don't want to read about 15,000 words.
> 
> AN: So I really wanted to do some serious Snupin, and I can't seem to quit with the soulmate fics. So here we are, at the longest story I have ever written. I'm breaking it down into four digestible chunks, though, so it should be easier to swallow.
> 
> Anyway, none of the characters/settings/shared plot are mine, no matter how much I love Remy and Sev. All belong to JK Rowling.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy my lovelies!
> 
> ~Kiro
> 
> PS.- This is dedicated to all of the educators out there. Thank you for making this possible.

Remus Lupin lived a lonely life. Sure, every witch and wizard had a SoulMate and a Mark to identify that SoulMate, but he was never a person that anyone would want. He was Turned before his fifth birthday, and after he truly discovered what that meant six years later, he realized that he would never truly have a chance of changing that loneliness.

He was a werewolf. They were intrinsically different, dark creatures, half-humans, the literal Other of the wizarding world. They did not mix, they did not get involved with the others of either the wizarding or muggle world. 

Remus was pitied by his parents. The only feelings that he saw in his father's eyes after Remus was Turned were guilt and pity. His mother tried to help all she could with his condition by giving him chocolate after a full moon and making sure he kept well away from civilization during his transformation. Still, he could see the pity in her eyes as she guided him to his specially warded bomb shelter far away from the house for the full moon, the pity again as she carried him back after. That was all that Remus knew up until his eleventh year. 

~

When first Remus stepped onto Platform 9 3/4, he was overwhelmed. It was just a few days after the full moon and he was tired and oversensitive. The people, the noises, the smells, they assaulted his ears and nose horribly. He had run away, he had pulled from his parents grasp and ran thirty feet through the crowded station to cower behind a pillar. He pulled at his ears in pained frustration and tried to stuff his nose in his clothes to get away from the many new and pungent smells. Remus ignored all the calls from his parents, trying to isolate himself from the outside world. 

It took twenty minutes and a large commotion for Minerva McGonagall to coax him into her arms. The professor and her charge only barely made it onto the train before it left the station, even though the Lupins had been almost thirty minutes early to the platform. McGonagall then carried Remus to an empty compartment, where she settled him in and left him alone to calm down. 

When the train had arrived at Hogwarts, Remus had collected himself enough to make it off the train without help. He was one of the last students off, and just as he reached the last boat it pulled away. The students within merely chuckled at his predicament. 

In the end, Remus had not been able to catch a carriage to the castle, either. He was forced to walk all the way up the dirt drive, hauling his shabby luggage through the mud and becoming filthy in the process. 

Remus was almost half an hour late for the feast and, as a consequence, the second to last first year was being sorted when he arrived. He quietly slipped into the Great Hall, attempting to avoid notice. Remus tried to silently slip up to the last student, but the boy saw him. With what looked like a practiced sneer, the dark-haired boy turned his black eyes away from the dripping werewolf. However, the next second Remus felt the tingle of magic skitter over his skin and he looked down to see his robes cleaned with what must have been a simple cleansing charm. 

Remus looked up and met the other's eyes, smiling at the boy. 

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

The other merely put on another practiced sneer. 

"Don't. I just didn't want you dripping all over the clean floor."

And with that, the boy slashed his way over to the stool and waited as the hat was placed over his long dark locks. About a minute later, the boy's placement was announced with enthusiasm. 

"...SLYTHERIN!"

The table with the green snake banners cheered lightly and the young boy picked his way over to it. Remus watched him go, but his name was called and soon he was sitting on the stool himself, screwing his eyes shut and listening to a murmuring voice. 

'Hmm... A little wolf, I see. With a lion's heart, too. Capable of great love and loyalty, just like the wolf, how prudent. I suppose it shall be...'

"... GRYFFINDOR!"

The Gryffindor table cheered, if a bit less loudly than for the other children. Remus nervously picked his way down the table, watching as some of the students slid over to close the empty spaces and others glared or looked upon him with, again, pity in their eyes. He was, after all, the pitiful little kid who had a nervous breakdown at the train station. Finally, when Remus reached the center of the table, someone called out to him. 

"Hey, you! Remus, right? You can come sit with us, we promise we won't bite!"

It was a curly black-haired boy, spectacles balanced on his nose in front of merrily sparking eyes. Beside him to his left sat a chubby brunette and to his other side sat a smiling youth with his long black wavy hair tamed into a debonair ponytail. Remus made his way over cautiously, which simply made the first boy's smile broaden. 

"Come on, sit across from us!"

"Yeah, we promise we won't kill you, at least not yet!"

That was the long-haired one. The three appeared to be fellow first years, and friendly enough, so Remus complied. 

"I'm James Potter, this is Peter Petegrew, and that one there with the prankster smile's Sirius Black. Welcome to Gryffindor!"

~

Remus was quickly adopted by the three friends as one of their own. He somehow managed to sneak out every moon for six months before they followed him and discovered his secret. He found out that they knew of his condition when they visited him in the infirmary the next day. 

"Remus," Sirius said, "you could have told us, you know. We wouldn't have held it against you."

"Yeah. Remus, we'll help you in any way we can. In fact, I already have some ideas..."

So James informed the rest of his plan to become animagi. The idea was adopted with only token protest on Remus's part, and the three set out to learn how to transform into animals. 

The process only drove the four closer, in the end. It was the end of first year when they started thinking of names to call the group, and they settled on "The Marauders" before they came back for second year. 

The four ruled the school. James was the leader, of course, Sirius the creative trickster element, Remus the intelligence, and Peter the "muscle", the one who enacted the others' plans and most often got in trouble. They pranked endlessly and teased mercilessly. Remus tried to reign the three in but he was afraid of losing them. There was only so much he could do about it while not actually confronting the three about anything. 

The main object of their torture was the so-called "Snivellus", a Slytherin in the same year as them. It was, to Remus's great shame, the exact same boy who had helped Remus with the cleaning charm during the Sorting Ceremony. It was a great shock to Remus when he discovered that the "Snivellus" his friends always complained about was the self-same boy as his first ally at Hogwarts. 

Remus watched as his friends tortured the young Slytherin. He wanted- oh how he wanted- to make them stop their teasing, but he couldn't. He didn't want to become an outcast, and he knew that it wouldn't do any good even if he did try. So he tried to stop the teasing before it started whenever he could, but without being too obvious. Unfortunately, it didn't do much good. 

There were others, of course, that bore the brunt of James' and Sirius' and Peter's pranks. There was one, Lily Evans, a fellow Gryffindor, that Remus knew James fancied. He tried to get the other boy to find some other way to get her attention, but James protested vehemently at every implication that he might like the girl.

Lily Evans was unique. Remus managed to strike up a bit of a quiet friendship with the girl. Well, perhaps the word "friendship" was a bit much, but they often studied at the same table in the library and neither protested the arrangement. Occasionally, they even helped each other with their weaker subjects. 

Remus was at the top of every single class except potions. The first time he had stepped into the lab he had almost had a panic attack from all the fumes. He could never concentrate enough to do well on the practical, and it was a miracle that he managed to ignore the smells enough to succeed at the written tests. However, in every single class other than that Remus succeeded with incredibly high marks. 

His marks had always suffered before because of his transformations, but now that he had support in the form of the Marauders the damage was minimal. 

By fourth year, the Marauders had managed their animagus transformations. The others took to accompanying Remus out on the full moon, keeping him in check and lending him company, even if he couldn't enjoy it in his monster form. The wolf, it seemed, recognized the animals, and didn't harm them. After a token fight with Sirius and a few close calls with James and Peter, the wolf accepted their presence, if begrudgingly. It almost made the transformation bearable, and the others were able to keep Remus company for his recovery afterwords. It was certainly a better life than Remus had ever had before. 

~

Fifth year, Remus noticed something... different about himself. He normally stuck his nose in a book and ignored everyone else around him, oblivious to all but the words on the page. James and Sirius teased him about not noticing girls, of course. They pointed out his bookworm habits and fondness for male Greco-Roman sculptures as evidence. They meant it in good fun, of course, but one comment made Remus think. 

"Why, with all the 'people-watching' you do during Quidditch practice you'd think you were checking out the players. Sure you don't have a crush on James, Moody?" 

This comment from Sirius one lazy afternoon made Remus realize something. No, he didn't watch James during practice. His eyes were too busy wandering to the wavy black hair shining in the afternoon sun, muscles tensing and stretching in powerful strokes mid-flight, and the grey eyes glinting with dangerous mischief from the young beater's broom above. Yes, Remus was sure that he didn't sport a crush on James. Now Sirius? Him he wasn't sure about. 

~

It was sixth year before Remus had any more problems with his school life. The feud between the Marauders and "Snivellus" had escalated since the year previous, and he was sure that it would soon come to a head. Remus tried to convince the others to stop fighting, but they merely brushed him off. 

"Moony," said Sirius in response to his pleading, "the guy is a total arrogant prat, and all he wants to do is get us in trouble. Let us do our thing, yeah? Nothing bad will come of it, especially not if we get him first."

So Remus backed off. He still didn't think that what the others were doing was rational or right, but he knew that he wasn't doing any good by bringing it up. 

In fact, the entire thing did come to a head. Remus was there, and played a rather large role, even if he didn't remember it. 

~

Remus awoke to a fire consuming his body, aching all over. This wasn't an anomaly, he felt similar after every transformation, but if anything it felt even worse this time. With a groan, Remus opened his eyes and carefully sat up. He rubbed the grime from his eyelids and looked around the hospital wing. Something was missing, something...

The Marauders. They weren't here. They were always in the hospital wing when Remus awoke. 

Immediately, Remus was worried. Where were they? Had he hurt them during his transformation and driven them away? No, if that had happened they would also be in the infirmary. What, then? Were they in trouble?

Just then, the door hesitantly swung open and James Potter crept in. He smiled sheepishly when he saw that Remus was awake and walked over.

"Sorry about that. I had to sort some things out with the headmaster before he would let me come see you. Padfoot and Wormtail are still in his office."

Remus studied him, confused. Why would his friends need to talk with the headmaster? And why were Sirius and Peter still there if James was not?

"What happened, James? Why did you need to talk with the headmaster?"

James looked down at his feet, then back up to his friend, eyes guarded. 

"Well, you see, Moony... Padfoot did something bad. And I mean really bad, not just 'stuck a dungbomb in the teacher's lounge' bad. He... He almost killed someone, Moony. I was able to stop it before it happened, but... He sent Snivellus to the shack, Moony. He told Snivellus where you were going and when, but he didn't... he didn't warn him, Moony. The prat could have died! I mean, he's a git and everything, but he doesn't deserve to die! He's fine now, but Moony... This is bad."

Remus stared at his friend. He... Sirius. His best friend. His best friend had used him as... as a weapon of revenge. Remus could have killed someone, could have Turned someone that night! And Sirius had thought of it like one of his little jokes! Remus felt bile rise up his throat, but swallowed it down.

It was all he could do to curl in on himself and try not to throw up or cry. He lay there, breathing in and out in uneven spurts, for at least an hour, James' hand rubbing his back in an attempt at comfort. 

~

The first thing Remus did when he was released was go talk to Sirius. Black, of course, attempted to convince Remus to see it as an elaborate joke, but this only made the werewolf even more angry. 

Sirius Black, Remus's best friend for the past six years and the person he had ogled for the last three, had used him like a tool for revenge under the guise of a "joke". How ridiculous.

Remus started to grow apart from his friends at that point. He started spending more time alone in the library and less time following them around on their ridiculous quests. They, too, changed, when Remus's Soul Mark came. It was the thing that would lead him to his SoulMate and what appeared at midnight on every magical human's sixteenth birthday, and it meant trouble. 

~

Remus was not excited for his birthday. In fact, he was quite dreading it. His birthday lay in the middle of winter and, this year, on a full moon. He asked the rest of the Marauders to not come with him to he shack that day, he just wanted to go through this one transformation alone. They respected his wishes, if grudgingly, and he was to go it alone. 

Remus made his trip out to the Shrieking Shack as usual. He went through the bone-cracking, skin-tearing transformation, as usual. He tramped around, angrily sniffing the house, as usual. But when midnight came, so came pain. 

It was comparable to the transformation, almost. The only difference was that this pain was a hell of a lot sharper, and it focused all in one place. The pain ran in a jagged gash across his collar bone. It curled, almost like a vine of napalm, from the ball of his shoulder, up to his trapezius, down along his collar bone, and back up the left side of his neck in an elongated S. 

The burning escalated, and his senses as well. His skin tingled with magic and his eyesight shone bright, even though within the shack it was black as pitch. His senses went into overdrive, catching on every single thing in the vicinity. His nose caught something- incredible. It was herby and heady, like an expensive herbal soap, mixed with the scent of books and dust and formaldehyde, and something spicy that the wolf couldn't place as anything other than him. It caught in Remus's nose, faint as it was, and he WANTED it. He wanted it so bad, this scent of another, who must be- his Mate!

The wolf traced the faintest scent. It came here on the breeze, but something here smelled so like it- there! The wolf pawed at a glass vial on the floor, grasping it ever so carefully in its jaws. He carefully tucked it in a corner for safe keeping, then ran to the portal to the outside world, where he could smell oh-so-faintly the scent of his Mate. His Mate was through there, and he had to get to him.

Remus ran at the door, smashing into it, but it didn't give. Angry, he backed up and ran at it again, and when it still didn't give, he did it another time and another, but the wards didn't allow it to budge. He scrabbled and clawed and chewed and slashed at the wood, all to no avail. He threw his body at the door, again and again, heedless to any pain he caused himself. He wasn't sure how long this went on- hours, at least, but his whimpers got louder and louder as he worked fruitlessly. 

At last, at about three in the morning, three hours from daybreak, the wolf howled mournfully. The howl went on and on, a never-ending cry of loneliness and grief that tore at the hearts of those awake to hear it. When at last the howl ended, it began again in the same heartbreaking tune, trailing off into a desolate whimper. At last the mournful wolf, ignoring the pain of its injuries and tingle of overstimulated senses, retrieved the vial from its hiding place and curled itself around it before the door, waiting for sunrise. 

~

Remus came to himself four hours later, sunlight shining into his face from a crack in the wooden door. He moved his arm to rub the sleep from his eyes- and stopped, breathing in short, sharp bursts as he fought off a sudden wave of pain. He carefully took stock of his injuries without moving. 

In the end, Remus decided that he had a heavily bruised and dislocated shoulder, bone-deep bruising all all along his left side and slightly lighter bruises up and down his right side, torn fingernails, bleeding gums, jammed fingernails and two broken fingers, and lacerations all along either side of his body. He decided to wait for the Marauders and Madame Pomfrey to come find him. 

~

Two hours of horrible pain later, Remus was laying in a private bed in the hospital wing. His dislocated shoulder had been rehoused in its socket, his lacerations sealed, his broken fingers episkeyed, and almost his entire body had been slathered in bruise salve. His friends had found him and levitated him down to the hospital wing under the invisibility cloak, but Peter had very nearly vomited when the three found their friend. Seeing his injuries, Madame Pomfrey had looked ready to faint for a few seconds before she started spouting orders like a madwoman. Not that Remus had noticed, of course, as he was busy trying not to pass out. 

It took a while for Remus to figure out why his wolf form had injured itself so badly. It had taken James pointing out the new Mark that trailed across his neck and shoulder for the idea to occur to him. 

Remus had, of course, read up on werewolves and their Marks. It wasn't just like a normal wizard, who simply woke up with a new tattoo. A werewolf, especially one who was turned before their sixteenth birthday, had an extremely strong bond to their SoulMate. They could smell their Mate from up to ten miles away and felt a strong urge to go to their Mate, especially under the full moon. The bond, once formed, was extremely strong and tenacious. But until the bond was formed, the Mate was resistable only with a strong will and preventative measures. The werewolf would know their Mate by scent, sight, sound, and touch. If the wolf could smell their Mate nearby during the transformation they would try almost anything to get to them, especially early after their sixteenth birthday. 

Once that was taken into account, Remus knew exactly what had happened that moon. His Mate was nearby, most likely at Hogwarts, and his wolf had been trying to get to him all night. Thus, the injuries from throwing himself at the door. The others had also told Remus that they had found him curled around an empty vial that had once contained a pain potion that Remus had taken for the change. Something about the smell must have reminded him of his Beloved. 

It took Remus an entire week to be released from the hospital wing. In that time he read every resource he could pertaining to werewolves and their SoulMates. He forced the other Marauders into ferrying books back and forth and hunting in the library shelves for him. By the time he was released from the hospital wing, Remus was certain of everything he would have to do concerning his Mate. 

The first thing he would do, most likely at lunch in the Great Hall with all the students present, was discover his Mate's identity. This wouldn't be too hard, considering his sense of smell. The second thing he would do was, most likely, Bond with his Mate. Then he would explain the situation to them and, of course, they would have to accept it. Hopefully. Then they would plan their future and everything would go swimmingly. 

Remus had a bad feeling it wasn't going to work out like that. 

~

Remus cautiously approached the doors to the Great Hall. James and Sirius supported him on either side, helping to keep him upright with all of his injuries. Not that he couldn't walk on his own, but they were overprotective and Remus was thankful for the support. His Mate was in there, he could smell it, and he needed the courage his friends lent him. They knew all about his plan, and they were going to help him as much as they could. 

The three approached the doors, Peter trailing behind them. As they reached them, Peter scurried ahead and dramatically threw them open for the trio to enter. 

Remus inhaled deeply, his nose flooding with the heady scents of food and happiness and- his Mate. He turned, eyes tracing the scent trail to its source, body already walking forward unbidden. There- right there! Remus' body jerked forward towards his Mate, one step, two steps, three, tearing from his friends- then his brain caught up with him. 

"Stop me! Get me OUT of here!" he hissed to his friends, mind fighting his body to keep himself from running over to his Mate- that would be disastrous. 

Confused and worried, Sirius and James took their werewolf friend by the elbows and hauled him away from the now silent and confused inhabitants of the Great Hall. 

~

Remus breathed heavily as he was forced into a chair in the nearest empty classroom. Before him, James stared him in the eyes, daring him to explain what the hell happened in there. Behind James, Remus could see Sirius staring back at him and Peter guarding the door. 

"What the HELL was that about? I thought you were going to Bond with your Mate! What's with the change of plan, Moony?"

Remus was trying to slow his breathing, concentrating on inhaling and exhaling, in and out. He looked up at his friends. His breathing escalated again. 

"I couldn't. I just couldn't, James! Do you know how much he HATES me since that stunt you pulled? I would've been hexes to bits, abandoned, and died of a broken heart in two weeks. That's what happens when a Bonded werewolf is abandoned by their Mate. It's better this way."

James and Sirius stared at him incredulously. Behind Prongs, Padfoot spoke. 

"But Moony, no one is horrible enough to just leave you to die like that! Who is it that's got you so shaken up? It's not Dumbledore, is it?"

Ignoring the bad attempt at a joke, Remus shook his head, close to tears of frustration and sadness. 

"No, Sirius, it's not Dumbledore. It's Severus Snape."

The two before him stared, bug-eyed. 

"It's Severus Snape and I can't tell him- I just can't! You guys have got to help me, please!"

The two Marauders exchanged looks, then stared back at Remus, who looked to be about two millimeters from tears. 

"It's okay, Moony. We'll help you. We're Marauders, we stick together no matter what. Now what do we need to do to help?"

They stayed in that classroom for the next four hours, scheming. 

~

There were four new rules in Remus' life and, consequently, the Marauders. 

1) Avoid Severus at all costs. That went for all of them, Remus because he didn't want to give anything away, and the others because Remus would likely maul them if they came back with Severus' scent on them. 

2) No one messes with Severus. This was mostly prohibited by the first rule, anyway, but it was best stated outright. That went for the entire school, too. The Marauders gradually became the boy's unofficial bodyguards, though they could only deal with troublemakers after they had left Severus' presence. 

3) Insult Severus in Moony's presence and be prepared for wounds. This seemed self-explanatory. 

4) Full moons require extra wards, cushioning charms, guards, and an article of Severus Snape's clothing. This last qualification was the hardest for everyone involved. 

~

The Shrieking Shack became a fortress of sorts. Every single hard surface was cushioned with enough cushioning charms to save a skydiver without a chute. The wards were escalated so that even if a nuclear explosion happened inside the shack, no one could get in or out of the area without the spoken password. There were guards at all three entrances every full moon. And that wasn't even the tricky part. 

The tricky part was Remus's Mate's scent. No matter how hard they tried or what spells they experimented with, it always seemed to get in. The only way that they could keep the wolf from going crazy was by bringing something of Severus' into the shack. 

Getting this something was not an easy task, not at all. They couldn't sneak into the Slytherin dorms without a password and they couldn't exactly bodybind him and steal his shirt, then obliviate him. Well, they could, and that was the plan that Sirius favored, but Remus forbade it. So they scrambled for a plan. 

~

It was three weeks after the beginning of the cease-fire, one week before the full moon, when the Marauders finally put a plan into action. Only one person would be in contact with Severus and his things for minimum wolf-maulage. It seemed perfect- but things never worked out as well as all the boys planned. 

Sirius snuck through the library, as silently as was possible while carrying one cloak and wearing another, invisible, one over his entire body. He spotted his prey, who was silently reading some DADA textbook and not paying attention to the world around him. And there, slung over the back of the boy's chair, was his cloak. Perfect!

Sirius crept forward, readying an identical Slytherin cloak in his left hand and stretching out his right arm for a quick grab-and-run. He came close, closer, so close, just reach out his hand and-

Pale, potions-stained fingers wrapped around his wrist. 

"Black," came the gravelly voice, "what do you think you're doing?”

The invisibility cloak was whipped from his back, leaving a quite visible Sirius-and-cloak standing behind the chair, one arm outstretched. 

"Uh... Just thought I'd say hi. How's it going, Snape? Enjoying your reading?"

The other boy stared at him incredulously. 

"What did you just call me?"

Sirius gave a blank look. 

"What, Snape? That's your name, isn't it?"

The other boy's eyes narrowed into a suspicious glare. 

"I knew something was wrong. First you stop teasing and pranking me, going so far as to avoid me, then you come up to me alone in the library with the lame excuse of 'saying hi' and neglect to call me Snivellus? What is wrong with you, Black? Have you and your posse all gone insane? Or are you finally doing me in? That's it, isn't it, you were going to replace my cloak with one soaked in deadly poison."

Sirius winced, looking down at the cloak in his hands, then back up at Snape. 

"No, Snape, there's no poison on this. Not even itching powder. Look, it's on my bare skin, see?"

Indeed, the cloak was splayed along his bare forearm. 

"Perhaps you just have a protective spell on your arms. I'm not stupid, Black. Why else would you steal my cloak and replace it with another? To curl up with it on a bad day?"

Sirius cringed at the surprisingly accurate description of the cloak's purpose. He had told Remus that it would be less suspicious to simply steal the cloak, but the damned overprotective Gryffindor had insisted that if they take anything they should replace it. And Sirius wasn't even allowed to switch the cloaks and obliviate Snape, either. This was close to unsalvageable. 

"Look, Snape, we want a truce. All of the Marauders, all we want to do is stop fighting and be civil. Okay? And we thought that we might at least provide you with a new cloak as peace offering, but we knew you would just get suspicious, like you are now, if we wrapped it up with a bow and set it on your doorstep. There. Happy?"

With that, taking advantage of the other's shock, Sirius switched the cloaks and ran from the library. Time for a good, long scrub. Hopefully he could get most of the Snape's scent off him by dinner. 

~

Life settled into a rhythm from then on, for Remus. Wake up, eat, think about Severus, go to class, sit on the other side of the room from Severus, keep head down to avoid staring at Severus, try not to think about Severus, go to lunch, do NOT stare at Severus, go to class, avoid Severus, study somewhere far away from Severus, go back to the common room and try to keep busy and not think about Severus, go to bed, fall asleep thinking about Severus.

Remus's friends were worried about him. He kept quiet in class, he read a lot more than he used to, he never joined in conversation, he stared off into space constantly, and he hardly ate at all. The werewolf slept fitfully and, when he finally settled down into sleep, the others checked on him to find his nose stuffed into Snape's cloak. Whenever Remus joined in conversation, he would somehow work his Beloved into the exchange, then sharply truncate speech when he realized what he was doing and stare desolately off into the distance. It was horrible for his friends to watch the poor boy fall apart inside.

The rest of the Marauders went on pretty much as normal, with the exceptions of Snape Avoidance and the full moon. Sirius went on his usual hijinx with girls and booze, convincing Peter to join him and, occasionally, James as well. James was caught up in his own life, though. At the end of sixth year he managed to cajole Lily Evans into a date and, a month after they first started going out, they confirmed each other as SoulMates.

The Marauders kept close even over the summer, and when they came back for seventh year they went on much the same as before, though this time with the stress of their NEWTs hanging over their heads. They were forced to take another clothing item- this time a shirt- from Snape early in the year, but that was the only change. James proposed to Lily in the spring and, of course, she said yes. Life went on.

At graduation, with one last prank, the Marauders parted without parting. They left Hogwarts for good and joined the Order of the Pheonix in the fight against the up-and-coming Dark Lord. The war escalated, Voldemort becoming more violent, and a prophecy was created. The four grew together, yet separate, and poison infected the group.

Peter started to share his doubts with others in the group after the Potters went into hiding. He was so sure that Remus was a Death Eater, that Sirius had joined the Dark Lord. Sirius even started to believe him after everything that had happened with Remus, and it all went downhill. The debacle with the Secret Keeper lead to one dreadful night leaving one Marauder and wife dead, one in Azkaban, one with nothing salvageable but a finger, and one to fade into the background unnoticed.


	2. Hogwarts Revisited and the Second Wizarding War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus goes back to Hogwarts, this time as a teacher. He spends some time at Grimmauld, but then, the war hits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Oh my geese, it's another part! You guys should be incredibly happy, I spent all my free time during finals editing this story and this story alone. I got a lot of questions as to why I was carrying half a manuscript around with me.
> 
> Anyway, here you guys go! Enjoy!
> 
> Also, beware more sadness ahead. But good sadness. And then a happy ending, later. So yay!
> 
> ~Kiro

Remus beheld Hogwarts with a mix of nostalgia, heartbreak, and dread. He had not stepped onto these grounds in sixteen years, and now Dementors stood guard outside the gates. It seemed like a bad omen, especially with the Dementor on the train. Remus had saved James' son. And oh, how the boy had grown to resemble his father. It nearly broke the werewolf's heart in two.

Remus's Mate was here. He could smell the man's scent all over the grounds, seemingly radiating from the castle. And Remus would be sharing the staff table with him. Remus hoped that he would be able to resist jumping the poor man. Lupin had, of course, arranged for rooms across the castle from his Beloved, all the way up in a tower a long way from the dungeons. He got the feeling that Dumbledore had been disappointed in him for his request, but the Potions Master still despised the werewolf. They weren't ready to Bond. Never would be, really.

Remus heaved his trunk containing all his worldly possessions into a waiting thestral-drawn carriage and slumped in the window. His breath fogged up the glass as he stared over the grounds, ignoring the sharp-boned forms of the thestrals. Remus thought to his recent past.

He had spent the last sixteen years hopping from job to job, taking what work he could and stretching it as far as possible. With his condition the werewolf could barely get a job in the wizarding world. Lupin was fired for the smallest things and could never hold a job for long. He had tried looking in the muggle world for work, but he had no muggle education or job experience, so that was a useless endeavor.

This Hogwarts job was both a curse and a blessing. Remus was granted a steady income for a task that he would enjoy doing. He would be dosing with Wolfsbane as long as he resided in the castle, so his transformations would be eased, less painful, and more importantly, safe. He would get to help young minds and, most important for his emotional wellbeing, Remus would be able to watch over his Mate and teach his best friend's son.

Then there were the negatives. Remus's Mate would be at school. He would have to go back to the tedious Severus Avoidance regimen, which would be harder because of the new proximity yet easier because they both had grown in maturity. He would have to ward his rooms so that he couldn't escape and go down to the dungeons when in wolf form. Hopefully, with the Wolfsbane, Remus would no longer hurt himself trying to leave, but he would still have to take precautions. He would probably have to swap out another article of Severus's clothing, though Remus wasn't sure how he would do that when he had nothing to replace it with. He would manage to purchase something eventually, but the full moon was three days away. Moony would just have to manage.

In the end, Remus had decided to take the teaching position. He really wanted to see his Mate again after all these years, and to do so a bit of precaution wasn't such a high price. He felt a tug even now toward the man. Severus was already at Hogwarts and had not been on the train, so Remus hadn't been able to smell him. Now, however, Remus was newly astonished by how strong the pull was.

Remus walked inside the castle to the Great Hall, taking his place at the head table. The heady spicy-earth smell of herbs and books invaded his nose, hazing his mind and making him subconsciously lean to the right. Next to him, a grown Snape glowered into the hall.

The man was still as tall as ever, his posture stiff and powerful. The man's long-fingered, deft hands rested on the table, impatiently drumming out a tune. His thin, lithe frame was wrapped completely in black, enhancing his broad shoulders and giving him the appearance of living death. The man's hair was lank and limp, framing his face in black sheets. His hook nose, slightly crooked from an old break, presided upon a now-lined, sharp face.

The potion master's bitter gaze flicked over the staff table, halting at Remus' stare. The man's glare escalated and Remus hurriedly looked away, skin showing a light flush. Remus forced himself to think of anything else- the food, Dumbledore's speeches, his coming duties. It didn't work.

As the Sorting and speeches moved on, Remus began to shift in his seat, sliding slowly to the right toward Severus, catching himself, and sliding back to the left again. By the time that the actual meal started, Remus was gripping the edge of the table extremely tightly, knuckles white on his left hand as his right periodically picked at his food and made its wayward journey in the potions master's direction. Remus snatched it back with an embarrassed huff. He wasn't at all hungry, so preoccupied and nervous was he.

He glanced across at the dark-haired sourpuss. He still had that glare that Remus found simultaneously saddening, frightening, and adorable. Remus looked away. When the meal ended Remus literally fled the Hall. He couldn't keep his eyes off his thirty-three-year-old Beloved. He had to get back to his rooms, isolate himself, and think.

~

As the weeks went on Remus grew more and more tense. He developed a habit of pacing his office, then pacing the halls and wandering about the school, then pacing only the dungeons, always ending at Severus's office. During meal times, Remus was always late or failed to show up, attempting to keep himself as far away from the fellow professor as possible. Whenever he passed the potions master in the halls, he received a cold, piercing stare as if his Beloved were trying to see into his soul. It was really unnerving, yet the most alluring, magnetic thing that Remus had ever seen on a man.

It was just his luck that Snape was the best qualified to act as a substitute in Remus' absence during the full moon. When Remus came back to work after the three days of the full moon, he discovered that the potions professor had tossed his plans in the trash and taken it upon himself to teach the children about Lycanthropy. That annoyed and angered Remus greatly, it disturbed his lesson plans and gained him some odd looks, but he held it in and didn't complain. It was for the best that students know the risks, anyway, with Remus in the building.

That first full moon posed a large problem. No, Remus didn't half kill himself this time, but the event still wasn't pleasant. When morning came he found the door to his quarters half gnawed off and Remus suspected he would have taken off through the hole left had the wards not stopped him. He had splinters in his gums for days afterwards, and he was fairly sure that there were rumors he had been attacked by a rabid McGonagall, for all the thin scratches on his face and hands.

Obviously he had to do something. He couldn't just keep chewing up doors, especially not expensive hardwood. Remus would just have to somehow get another article of Snape's clothing. Without being noticed. Or consequently tortured into insanity. Good luck to him.

~

Remus observed his Severus over the next week to find out the man's schedule. It really wasn't that hard, the potions master was as regimented as an alarm clock. The only problem was that he never took off his cloak or, for that matter, any other article of clothing. Not during classes, not after, not grading papers, not eating messy foods, never. Remus almost suspected he slept in his cloak. So Remus simply had to somehow get into Severus' personal chambers. Or he could beg help from the old relic that ran the school. Remus settled for the option that was less likely to get him killed.

Nine twenty five on a Wednesday evening found Remus Lupin staring blankly at a gargoyle. It wasn't that the gargoyle was particularly interesting, or that Remus had forgotten the password, merely that he just... wasn't sure what sort of response his request would receive. He wasn't too inclined to find out if it was negative. After all, Remus needed this job.

In the end, the werewolf's decision was taken away from him when the gargoyle hopped to the side and the stairs grumbled at him in impatience. With a sheepish grin, he ascended the stairs and knocked at the heavy wooden door to the headmaster's office. 

"Come in, come in, dear boy."

Remus entered the cluttered office and was waved to a seat before a just-as-cluttered desk. He warily lowered himself into a cushioned chair, carefully looking away from the other man's twinkling gaze.

"Now, Mr. Lupin. I believe that you had something to request of me?"

 Remus nodded, scraped together the remnants of the Gryffindor courage he supposedly possessed, and ground out his request.

"Yes, sir. I was wondering if you would be willing to help me with something. I need to... retrieve a used article of a fellow professor's clothing."

 He raised his eyes to meet the old man's and nearly winced at the disappointment spelled out there.

 "Remus. You know that I respect your decisions fully, you are an adult and no longer my student, after all, but you and Severus have been through very tough times lately. I believe a Bond would do both of you a world of good. Why do you insist on making life harder on the both of you?"

 Remus shook his head slowly, a wry smile surfacing on his lips.

 "No, sir. I couldn't do that, I couldn't force that on him. He hates me, for one, and he doesn't need to be saddled with another responsibility. I am a werewolf. Being with me would only add unnecessary hardship to his existence. He is still being watched by Death Eaters and if he were to enter a relationship with me that would only bring their wrath down upon him. He is relatively safe now, and I wish for him to stay that way. No, there is too much risk for him."

 Albus regarded him with a sadness that was painfully close to pity, his half moon glasses sliding down his nose.

 "But what about you, Remus? Why do you subject yourself to this when all your suffering could be remedied quite easily? Your suffering is written across your face, plain for those less skilled than me to read."

 Remus smiled bitterly, yet with love and determination. It was an odd expression, and one unique to situations and statements like his own.

 "I would suffer anything to keep him safe, Headmaster. As long as he is alive and well, I will be content."

 Albus looked long and hard with his saddened blue eyes into the werewolf's face. At last, he nodded.

 "I suppose that I have nothing I can do other than to ease your journey as much as possible, then, Remus. The path you have chosen is a hard one, I will not lie to you. I can only do so much to help."

 Remus smiled wanly at his boss.

 "Yes, I am aware. And thank you, Albus. Does that mean that you will help me with Severus' clothing?"

 Albus nodded.

"Yes. You with have an article of his clothing on your bedside table by morning."

~

The scent article helped during full moons. Actually, the shirt that Remus had found at the foot of his bed the next morning helped no matter what form he was in. He found himself carrying it around in an enlarged inner pocket of his robes. That way he could pull it out and breathe in the scent when the loneliness and longing overwhelmed him.

He always made sure to not sniff the article of clothing where other people would see him, but somehow there always seemed to be something. Minerva would walk into his office at an inopportune moment and giving him odd looks, and Trelawney would make predictions involving "tunics of lust". Remus had blushed bright red at that particular prophecy.

Remus started receiving suspicious stares, but he just couldn't stop. He was addicted, quite literally, to ex-Death Eater, dungeon bat, bitter and malicious potion master Severus Tobias Snape.

In any case, the problem wasn't the odd looks from the others. The problem was the odd looks from Severus.

As the school year crawled on, Severus kept a tighter and tighter watch on Remus. Every time that Remus entered the same area as Severus, he received suspicious glares that were intense enough to set his robes on fire. The incident with the boggart, the Marauder's map, teaching Harry the Patronus charm, and Remus's attempts at civility likely only increased Severus' suspicion, but there was nothing that Remus felt he could do.

~

It all went wrong near the end of the school year. Three quarters of the Marauders showed up and it was the exact opposite of old times. Sirius was mostly mad, Peter was more than half rat, and Remus was forced to play mediator. And then Severus burst in at the exact wrong moment. Peter escaped and Remus was left to drag Snape to safety.

Only it didn't work out that way. As they were making their way back to the castle, Remus realized he had taken too long. It was the night of the full moon and it was too late to take his Wolfsbane. While this would be a problem in normal circumstances, it was even worse with Severus near by.

As Remus looked behind him to see the full moon peeking from behind the cloud cover, he changed. His bones popped, his muscles tore, and his skin stretched, his clothes ripped and he bent into an unnatural canine hominid. The pain was excruciating, blanking out everything in his mind as his senses became sharper and his temper rose within him.

Then, it was over. A sniveling, not nearly half sane beast stood in Remus's place. Everything was calm for about half a second, until the wolf caught his Mate's scent.

He whined, already moving toward the source of the smell, mouth falling open to better take in the scent. In the process he revealed a gaping sharp maw, foul saliva dripping from his teeth. Fortunately, Sirius, it seemed, still possessed enough sanity to understand what was happening and what would happen if Remus was able to reach his Mate.

It was likely that Remus would turn the man without meaning to. Often wolves shared love bites and, besides, if Remus approached Severus in this form he would get a face full of Crucio. Severus had already woken up from where Remus had dragged him out of the shack, and had now began to back away, his body taking defensive posture as he focused his wary eye on Moony.

Sirius observed all of this in about as much time as it took the Moony to begin to step toward Severus. By the time the wolf was loping toward the Slytherin head of house, Sirius had transformed and jumped into Remus' way.

What followed was a tussle of wills, claws, and teeth. For every meter Moony made in progress, Sirius dragged him back a foot. They tussled and fought, scratched and snapped, until Remus managed to fling Sirius away. He was finally free to go to his Mate, and he was now very aggravated.

A howl sounded from the woods and Remus stopped dead. The howl sounded again, louder, and the man-wolf tore off towards the sound. There was another wolf in the woods. It was on Moony's territory, near Remus's Mate, threatening Remus and, more importantly, his Beloved. This new wolf must be dealt with, even before Remus went to claim his Mate. Severus could wait, but this danger could not.

Remus-wolf tore through the trees, off to find this new intruder. He would deal with this quickly and return to his Mate, claim his Destined for the first time. Remus ran and ran, searching for the intruder. He dashed through the forest, mouth open to catch the scent of the rogue wolf. But there was no intruding canine.

An hour later, an angry Moony returned to the place where he had left his Beloved. The scent was stale, as Severus had left a long time ago. Remus prowled, nose low to the ground, following the scent of his Destined. He followed the trail through the grounds, down the fields and rounding the lake. By the time he reached the front doors of the castle, where the scent trail led, it was but a few hours to sunrise.

The wolf sniffed around the door, whining for his Mate. He hadn't been able to claim his Destined! He had been so close he had been able to taste it, and now the chance had been yanked away. Severus was right through that door, if only he could get to him, then he would have a pack, a co-alpha, and they could begin forming their own family, have pups, and they wouldn't be alone-

The werewolf howled. It was the loudest, most mournful howl ever heard before at the castle grounds. He had been so close, and now all was lost. His voice rose in full-throated canine tenor, drawing on and on in a bellowing call of desolation and loneliness.

Remus's voice trailed off as he scratched at the door, claw swipes gaining in intensity as they sought and failed to gain purchase on the protective wards of the castle doors. When this was ineffective he backed up a ways and threw himself at the door. Once, twice, thrice he threw himself. After the fourth time he stopped to listen to the approaching footsteps.

A metal flap on the doorway opened, only to flick shut with a yelp from the greasy old squib who had opened it. Remus scrabbled frantically at the now closed flap as more footsteps approached- awakened teachers and Hufflepuff prefects who had been startled into waking by the noise, their common rooms being within hearing distance of the entrance hall.

The wolf listened to the alarmed, angry, and frightened chatter of the voices beyond the door, still scratching and whining and hoping to the moon that something would happen and he would be allowed to reach his Mate. Minutes later, the older and wiser voice of the old relic joined the others, urging them away, and the wolf gave in to the impossibility of the situation. He opened his maw in one last breath-stealing, desolate, soul-rending howl. He curled up to wait out his Mate, unknowing of the sadness his howl had caused the entire population of the castle that had heard him.

~

Remus awoke naked on the steps to the castle, being buffeted by cool wind. As he stirred, a rough blanket was thrown over his shoulders and he was ushered inside to hear a recount of the previous night's events. Subsequently, he packed his things. This was not a tiny first year and Minerva that had been witnesses to Remus's nature, the entire castle had heard his calls, and there was going to be absolutely no cover up this time.

Remus bade goodbye to Harry and his fellow professors, loaded up his ratty suitcase, and left. This time he would be holed up in Grimauld Place, but it was no less sad a parting as the last time he had left these castle grounds. Remus would not be coming back, not for a teaching position and not to see his best friend's son. Nor would he be seeing Severus every day. Remus was leaving, and there was nothing he could do about it.

~

Grimauld place had become less than a bustle of activity while Remus was gone. It was now an empty, grungy, dark house where he and Sirius moped around all day. As Remus settled in, what life he had once had ground to a near halt and he became a floating mass of bones and fur. Every day consisted of the same depressing schedule, without change.

He woke up, he took a bath, went downstairs and sat at the table to eat, exchanged token words with Sirius, went to the study and read until dinner, where he would walk downstairs and repeat the meal process. Eventually he would go to bed and lay staring at the ceiling for hours until he broke down and retrieved Severus's shirt, which would coax him into sleep.

Remus thought often of Severus. How was he faring? What was he doing at that moment? Had he yelled at any of the first years yet? What did he think of Remus after that incident that forced Remus to file his resignation letter? The man was always at the back of Remus's mind, when he wasn't at the front. So Remus's mind was always elsewhere.

Time passed slowly but inevitably, crawling at the speed of sound. Before Remus knew it a year had passed and he was watching as the house was overrun with people.

He had no idea what was going on. When he had asked, all the answer he had received was "there's to be a meeting". People flooded the halls, a going somewhere and shouting something or trying to get the others to calm down. Eventually, Dumbledore appeared and was subsequently mauled until he was able to cast a sonarus and calm down the group.

"SILENCE! Thank you. Now, yes, the Dark Lord Voldemort has been revived by one of his followers, a traitor from the first war. During the Tri-Wizard Tournament, which many of you bore witness to, Harry Potter witnessed the ceremony and has confirmed He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to be alive. Voldemort has already begun to gather a following of Death Eaters. Subsequently, the Order of the Phoenix has been reinstated and we are doing all that we can to prevent the Dark Lord's second rise to power."

Remus thought that before there was chaos. He hasn't seen anything yet.

~

From that moment on Grimauld place was never empty. It became the headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix and a hotspot for activity. People were constantly in and out for missions and things. Remus grew to know every single member of the Order by face and name, and grew to become very good friends with a few.

One particular member stuck out in the crowd. Nymphadora Tonks was a metamorphmagus and the life of the crowd. As time went on she managed to draw Remus out of his shell and out into the real world. The two became fast friends and rarely left each other's sides. After a time, they even received inquiries as to whether they were a couple. To each, they would simply smile and, in Remus's case, blush, then change the subject.

Life went on with only the occasional loss on the battle front or major change, that is, until the end of the school year two years from the Dark Lord's return.

At the end of the spring semester, the Order suffered a staggering loss in the form of Albus Dumbledore. The small skirmishes and occasional attack escalated into a full blown war, hell on earth as the Order struggled to recover from the loss and its descent into chaos with his death.

One of the hardest things for the Order was that Severus had been one of its most trusted, powerful, and useful members. No one but Albus had truly trusted the man, yet his turning coat left the Order in turmoil. All of the things that Severus had known were now compromised, and they didn't even have a powerful leader to help cope with the major changes.

Remus found it incredibly hard to cope with Severus's role in his leader's death. He still loved his Mate more than anything, but the man had killed the Order's main hope. Remus could only hold on to what he knew: Albus must have allowed Severus to kill him, because there was no way the man could have done it otherwise. Severus was strong, but not that strong. And there was no way the man would have betrayed Lily or his morals by turning on the Order.

Somehow, the Order kept moving, clumsily and disheartened, but they continued. Another half year passed with the light desperately trying to salvage their hopes. It was during the desperate scramble that summer that Remus was hit with get another challenge.

~

Remus was sitting at his desk, in the middle of a letter, when Nymphadora burst in. Her hair was a deep, melancholy cobalt and tears dripped down her puffy red face. She ran to the desk and threw her arms around Remus. The werewolf abruptly set down his quill and moved to wrap his arms around the woman, startled and concerned for his friend.

"Dora, what is it?"

Not even the hated nickname affected her, she merely slapped his head with a tear-soaked hand. The witch sniffed and clung tighter, not answering as her sobs grew in intensity and tears soaked into the man's shoulder. Remus merely shifted to better hold her weight and held her tight, petting her back in comfort as she shuddered into his chest.

After a few minutes, Tonks lifted her head and wiped her face, smiling bitter thanks at her friend. He smiled back sadly and re asked the unanswered question.

"Do you think you could tell me what all this is about?"

She shook her head, taking a deep, shuddering breath before answering.

"It's so complicated, Remus. I don't even know where to start."

He rubbed her back and looked her in the eye.

"Just start from the beginning."

She nodded and launched into a teary monologue.

~

_It all happened during a skirmish, you see. We- a group of the Order and I- had received news of a raid that was to happen in a muggle neighborhood, there would have been so many casualties, so we were sent to head them off. There- there was a fire fight in an alley, we exchanged curses. We were called for a retreat, but I was trapped in my hiding place. Most of the Death Eaters pursued our people, but they left one to look and see if any had stayed behind._

_He- he found me, where I was hiding behind a dumpster. He grabbed my arm to pull me out and- and... You have to understand, Remus, it was so beautiful. It was a moment of completion, I felt like I had found something that I didn't even know I was missing. We lit up the alleyway, it was like someone set off a Roman candle. We Bonded, and mine lit up a bright gold and his Mark lit up bubblegum pink. It looked like a sunset at midnight. It was beautiful._

_We ran off, found an abandoned building, and we just talked. He- his name is... was... Apollo. Like the sun. Apollo Favre. I asked him why he was on he side of the dark if he was the god of light and we just talked. We talked for hours, about why he was a Death Eater- it was so horrible, Remus! They get these people when they are children and pressure them using their families. By the time that they are grown enough to make their own decisions, they are in too deep and they can't get out without killing their families or themselves. We think that they're evil, but they aren't. It's just cruel, Remus._

_We- Eventually, I had to go back, and he needed to report to his superior. We made plans to meet, in secret, and we went back to our sides. I made up an excuse about getting separated and almost caught by the enemy, and I acted like nothing had happened, just kept going on missions. I couldn't tell anyone about my Destined, he was on the enemy's side._

_We started meeting, in old buildings, in dangerous neighborhoods. No one could find us. We just talked, usually, sometimes more. A couple times, near the end... We- we were going to get married, start a family. After the war was over, when there were no sides and we could be open about our Bond... It sounded like heaven._

_I- I started to feel nauseous all the time, and I missed my time of the month, and... A- about a week ago I cast the detection charm. I... I'm pregnant. It's his, of course. I thought that the protection we had used was enough, we never wanted our children to be born in war time, but apparently we just weren't careful enough. I'm about four weeks along now. But... Apollo won't be here to help me raise our child. I found out today._

_We were supposed to meet tonight, at a diner in Sussex. He- he didn't show up. I waited for an hour, I... I was going to tell him today! About our baby, about our future... But he didn't show up, so I asked around and... It was a week ago. The day when I learned about our baby- my baby's father lost his life._

_I don't know who cast the curse that ended his life, but it was in a fire fight with the Order. I mean- I don't think that I can hate our own people, but one of my own comrades killed my Bonded Destined. I don't know what to feel. Or how to go on without him._

_I don't know what to do, Remy! I don't want people to ask questions about my child- they'll never let me on missions if they know that my Destined was a Death Eater. I would never turn on our people- you know that, right, Remus? I would never turn on them, but they don't know that. What am I going to do?_

~

Remus, who had flipped his desk chair around to face her as she told her tale from his bed, knew the answer. It was perfect all around, really. No one would question the baby's heritage, Nymphadora could keep her position in the Order, and the infant would get a full family. It wasn't as if Remus had someone else to think about, that would never be, and Dora had no qualms about associations with werewolves. The plan was- perfect.

Then why did it feel so wrong?

It doesn't matter. This was what he had to do, what he needed to do, for his friend and her innocent infant, for the Order. It would be fine. The rotting feeling in his gut was just nerves.

Clearing his throat, Remus turned to look into her eyes. He spoke, forcing smooth words through the lump in his throat.

"Marry me."


	3. The Final Battle and What Comes After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Near-death experiences, a bit of magic, and then a lot of time spent in St. Mungo's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Well, this was supposed to be three parts. But the last part is almost half the story, so I split it in two. Also, I really am not quite happy with how I end it. Something about not tying up loose ends or that sort of thing.  
> Anyway, the second to last installment. Yeah. Finally.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~Kiro

The wedding was in the summer, just in time for Teddy Apollo Tonks Lupin to be born in wedlock. The wedding was a small affair, with a very pregnant Nymphadora in white dress robes and Remus in the very same old, worn ones that he had worn to his graduation twenty years before. It took place in the back garden of Grimmauld and had only about twenty guests. 

There was no honeymoon, but Tonks obligingly moved her things into Remus's room and they shared a bed. Granted, nothing more exciting than snoring happened in that bed, but they maintained the image all the same. 

Tonks was the only one who knew about Severus. Remus had felt it necessary to tell her on their wedding night, after the tiny ceremony. She looked at him with sad eyes and a sad smile. 

"Well, it's a good thing I'm a metamorphmagus. If my kiddo has the abilities and you ever work up the courage to ask out your man, he'll have four parents to choose his handsome looks from."

Remus hugged her as he shed the first tears that had fallen from his eyes in years.

The war went on. Losses climbed upon losses and Teddy was born into a time of death and maiming. As the skirmishes grew, Remus grew to care more and more for his foster child. Teddy had his mother's metamorphmagus abilities, and he often grew Remus's eyes or hair. His parents were away more and more often, but the baby seemed content with his allotment. 

At the beginning of the summer, the Ministry fell. With the Order headquarters compromised, Remus and his new wife found themselves on the run from the Death Eaters, camping out in improvised safe houses and hostels with the other Order members, when he wasn't fighting on their side. He Order's main hope disappeared off the face of the planet, and the war went on. 

A time came when the final battle was upon them. Remus and Tonks, heavily involved members of the Order, joined in the battle. 

~

Remus clutched his wife to his side as he made his way through the crowd, dodging curses and sending them right back. The battle was just getting started, but already people were dropping left and right. As the pair reached the open air, Remus was hit with the smell of blood. The blood of his Beloved. 

His eyes grew wide, pupils dilated, and his heart rate escalated as adrenalin hit his system. His muscles tensed in readiness for flight, but he couldn't abandon Nymphadora without warning. Frantic with panic, Remus turned to his wife.

"I need to go! I need to go, Dora, it's Severus! He's injured."

Tonks glanced over to him, dodging another curse. The man was practically frothing at the mouth, his eyes rolling in panic as he fought with his instincts to warn her before he left. Tonks could handle herself, if the situation was so bad. 

"Go!" she said. "Go, find your Mate!"

So Remus went, casting a hasty portable shield on himself as he followed his nose to the whomping willow and its tunnel. 

~

"Severus!" Remus made his way through the Shrieking Shack, attempting to sniff something useful out the scent of blood. "Severus, say something!"

As he frantically searched around the room, senses uselessly bathed in the copper tang of blood, he heard a groan from one corner. He ran, panicked, to see a bundle of robes hiding a barely breathing Severus. Remus scampered forward, shifting Snape's clothes to get a better look at the injuries. Seeing the carnage, Remus swore and shed his cloak to press against the wounds over the man's neck and forearms in an attempt to stop the bleeding. 

"No! No, no, no, don't die on me, Severus, don't die. Come on, just stop this damn bleeding!"

Obligingly, the wounds stopped leaking blood, but as he felt the other man's breath become more and more shallow Remus realized that it wouldn't be enough. Severus had just lost too much blood, and now the was venom in his system. 

There was no way that Severus would be able to survive these injuries. Perhaps, if he had half the blood loss and the venom was not as far along as it was, he would have time enough for a healer, but- 

But... he could. If Severus kept all of his injuries as they were now, the man would die within the minute. But there was another way- a way to half the damage-

Remus scrambled up, ripping his cloak from where it was pressed against the injuries, and fished out his wand. He cast a patronus, commanding the white shining wolf to find a healer and bring them, then focused on his next task. Remus quickly slashed the meat of his hand with a cutting curse and squeezed out drops- one, two, three- of his blood to land on Severus's injuries. Remus took a deep breath, held it, gathering his magic into his lungs, and released his magic and breath, forming both into sound. 

Remus howled, a deep, throaty howl that rose and fell in a pushing, pulling, interwoven pattern of notes. He poured out his magic, using the wolf's song and his blood and Severus's to temporarily bind them. From injury and voluntary pain, they spun together in an instinctual werewolf magic. An amber glow flooded the room, coaxing black out and melding together in harmony. 

The primal song went on for eternity and ended in a moment, bending time to its will as the tenor molded into smooth rolling notes. Remus's voice rose and fell in a carnal song, filled with pain and ease and understanding. An eternity of longing, loving notes echoed through the cold air, floating over to the battlefield. Wolf poured out from man, binding man to man in a life saving, condemning ceremony and breaking the bond just as fast. 

The song ended in a high note and Remus, fully spent from his song, magic use, and injuries, collapsed in a heap at Severus's feet. 

~

Remus awoke to white walls, white sheets, white light, and a terrible pain. His neck and wrists were on fire, molten pain pouring through flesh and skin. Remus's head spun and he whimpered slightly, pulling back into himself, away from the pain. 

A voice sounded above Remus's right ear, alarmed, and a bottle was shoved into his mouth and poured down his gullet. Numbness spread from Remus's innards encroaching on the lava of pain, easing it into a tolerable numb sensation. Remus closed his eyes at the sensation, only to fling them open again when recollection hit his brain. 

Severus, lying filthy in a pool of blood. Remus, pressing desperately at the wounds. A frantic scramble, pain, more blood, a song. 

Remus scrambled into a sitting position, ignoring the protest of his limbs and the swimming of his vision. He closed his eyes tight against the onslaught, then cast about for someone, anyone-

A nurse appeared, urging him back onto his cot. He refused, shaking his head, trying to make his throat work properly. He mouthed the words, forcing the air out but not making much of a sound. However, after mouthing Severus's name repeatedly, the girl's eyes lit with understanding. 

"Severus? The man you came in with?"

At Remus's nod, she jerked her head to a cot across the room. 

"He's over there. He is stable, the wounds are nasty but he seems to be recovering well. He hasn't yet regained consciousness, and he won't for another day most likely. Now you, sir, need to lay back down. He'll still be there in the morning when you wake up."

Pacified, Remus lay back down, closing his eyes and falling into a deep sleep. 

~

The next day, Remus awoke in much the same manner, but with significantly less pain this time. His throat was better, and he managed to emit a garbled request to see Severus. Instead of letting him get up, the orderly merely wheeled his bed closer to Severus's and opened the curtain between them. 

Severus looked like death itself. Actually, that is a misleading description, because Severus always looked like death. This Severus looked like death had dragged him through hell and back again, left him to stew in the sun, and dumped him in a freezing lake. The man's skin was pale as ice, stained the sickly yellow the same as his teeth. His face shown with grease and sweat and pale bandages covered most of his torso, neck, and arms. His hair was shorn off and caked in grease, and his brow was perpetually furrowed in sleep. Remus almost couldn't make himself look at the man, but he did anyways. 

He was there, three feet away from his Beloved, when he learned of the death of his wife and friend. He was there, next to his Destined, while he shed tears onto the tiny sleeping form of his adopted son and wiped them away with a bitter smile. Remus was there, across from Severus, when Teddy was taken by Molly Weasley to care for while he was in the hospital. And Remus was there in the same room, when he fell asleep staring at his SoulMate's sallow face.

~

It was another day before Severus became lucid. Remus was there, watching from his seated position in his cot across the aisle, as the other man groaned and his eyes flicked open. A nurse sped around to check his vitals as the man glared up. Severus only made the mistake of attempting to talk once before he shut his jaw with a snap and stopped trying. Instead, the nurse tried, and failed, to anticipate his questions. 

"Hello Mr. Snape, I can see that you are feeling better today. Now, I understand that this might be a bit overwhelming, waking up to all this, but you've been in a bit of trouble. Now, we-"

"Miss, maybe you should let me explain things to him. I think that he might just explode with prolonged exposure to your sunny personality. He is not a people person."

Remus felt the need to interrupt, seeing how Severus's glare was escalating and his face was starting to turn red with anger. When both the nurse and Severus turned to him, one with a pout and one with an incredulous glare, he merely put on a smile. 

"Very well, Mr. Lupin. I'll be in the next room if you need me."

The overly sunny nurse skipped out the door, leaving Remus to turn to Severus with an apologetic smile. 

"Sorry about her. She tends to be a bit over sympathetic with her patients."

Severus's glare did not change. 

With a sigh and a quick glance around for any hospital staff he might offend by moving, Remus slid off the bed and wobbled over to Severus'. Biting back a grimace of pain, he situated himself on the edge of the potion master's cot. 

"Sorry about my voice, I'm still recovering myself, as you can see." Remus gestured to his own bandages which covered his neck, torso, and forearms, before getting down to facts. "You are in St. Mungo's. It has been pretty much been overrun by the injured of the final battle, but we, as some of the worst cases, have our own room."

"Voldemort is dead. Harry killed him. There was some sort of duel and drama with the Elder Wand, which is all I know, but the Dark Lord is dead and all of his core Death Eaters are as well. The rest have trials scheduled for the next few months, and yours is going to be one of the last."

"Let's see- ah, your injuries, that's right. You have heavy tissue damage to your arms and neck, as well as blood loss and a bit of poisoning. Your hands will be fine after some therapy and reconstructive spells, and your throat, well, you'll be hoarse for a couple of months. You'll probably regain your voice in about a week, and by my estimation, you'll be well enough to move around freely in two."

"Now, the poison is causing a problem. Since the wounds have closed and the healers have done all they can with oral antivenin, in order to save the flesh in your chest and arms they are going to have to reopen those wounds and soak them in the stuff. It's- it's going to be painful, I'm sorry to say. They can't apply local anesthetic because it will reduce the blood flow spreading the antivenin."

"I'm sorry, I wish that there was more I could do but I did all that I was able before now. If it makes you feel any better, I have to go through one of those treatments as well. Not that it's near the six or so that you'll have to go through, but I thought it might help to know your old enemy is suffering along with you."

Remus flashed a bitter smile at the man on the cot. Severus was even paler than before and his face was pulled in a scowl. He opened his mouth, then shut it, then opened it again and let out a breathy hiss of frustration. Remus, understanding what was wrong, looked around and grimaced. 

"Well, under other circumstances, I would suggest you use a pen and paper. Unfortunately, with your wrists shot, I don't think that's going to happen. If you like-" Remus took a deep, readying breath, "-if you like you can try and ask using Legilimency. It might be easier for me to answer, as well."

Severus studied Remus's face, confused and suspicious, but when the werewolf showed no sign of lying he nodded, slowly. Remus grinned and arranged himself at the foot of the cot, raising his eyes to the other man's. Without warning, he fell. 

~

In Remus's mind, it was an orderly chaos. There was a clear space at the front, and the back contained stacks upon stacks of linked and free floating memories. From the edges, there radiated a wild, carnal thing, just on the edge of perception and just present enough to be noticeable. 

Severus "stood", whole and uninjured, opposite Remus's conscious. His words floated through the mind. 

How did I survive?

The mind collapsed in on itself, pressuring and guiding the Severus-spirit to a specific memory, which he entered with ease. 

Severus watched as Remus stumbled through the shack, calling for Snape. He watched as Remus attempted to stop the bleeding, cursed, and stood. Snape watched as the other man sent a Patronus for help and turned to Severus's injuries. He watched as the werewolf drew his own blood and sang a howl that transferred half of Severus's injuries to Remus. Severus watched as the werewolf blacked out and the memory ended. 

Filled with confusion, anxiety, and fear, Severus-conscious withdrew from the stacks of memories and asked another question in the strange mind speak of this realm. 

Will I be as-I-was-normal-human?

The answer echoed off the walls, into Severus's consciousness.

Yes, you are no-wolf. You are human always.

Acceptance-relief. But- why risk-injure-self?

A sequence of rapid sensations, memories, and feelings flowed before Severus in quick succession.  A tawny wolf, silver words curling over tan skin, pain, loneliness, howl, the desperation of fleeing, the smell of herbs, a baby's cry-

Not now, Severus-respected-friend. You-I-we are not ready.

Annoyed and confused at the wall that had sprung up around him, Severus fell back into his own mind.

~

Severus slept a lot, Remus noticed. It was quite convenient, actually, as Remus could stare all he liked and not cause the other man to be suspicious. During the rare moments that Severus was awake during the next day, Remus couldn't even glance at the man. If he even twitched in Snape's direction, he ended up on the receiving end of a glare that would make Avada Kedavra jealous. 

Severus was once again sleeping when the time came for Remus's treatment. As a consequence, Remus was able to protest without fear of unnerving the spy. 

"No. I'll move, we need to do this somewhere else."

"You don't understand, sir, we don't /have/ somewhere else. The battle has filled up any extra space we might once have had. We'll just have to have the procedure here."

Remus shook his head, raising his voice slightly in firm opposition. 

"No, I refuse to disturb Severus. I don't want to worry him by showing what he is going to be going through later."

This prompted a glare from the barrel-chested male nurse. 

"He'll have to face it some day or another, and we can't have the procedure elsewhere. It's either we do this here or we don't do it at all, sir."

Weighing his options, Remus relented. 

"Alright, but if he has problems then I am going to sue you for all you're worth."

With that, he turned and untied the back of the hospital gown, barely wincing as the nurse unwrapped his bandages to reveal sticky, pink flesh all over his neck, chest, and arms. At the nurse's prompting, he lay on his back, closing his eyes as the cold disinfecting spell flowed over his skin. 

The nurse tactfully ignored the faded silver tattoo exposed on Remus's shoulder as he drew out the poultice that would be used on the wounds. Remus closed his eyes tightly, breathing in and out in an attempt to keep from hyperventilating. The sounds of the magic-resistant blade being sterilized didn't help much, and he flinched when he felt the metal touch his hot, inflamed skin. 

"Now, Mr. Lupin, it is best if you relax. It will be less painful then."

Remus took another deep breath, relaxing as much as he could. Two seconds later, the metal met his skin again. This time, it didn't stop, but dug into his skin and sliced it open, carving red-hot stinging lines of fire into his torso. Before Remus could open his jaw for a gasp, the blade drew across again, close to the original slice. Remus's jaw clenched tight, and as the next five slices were cut, he found himself whimpering slightly. 

 

He found tears rimming his eyes as the slices stopped. Remus moved to wipe them away- but found that, not only was that a bad idea because of the newly reopened injuries, his wrists were strapped tightly to the bed. This time Remus did whimper, though he only got about halfway through before lava engulfed his left pectoral, spreading across his shoulders, neck, and chest. 

Fire ripped through the passages of the cuts on his rib cage, raging in a fury akin to fiendfyres confined to a canyon. Pain raced in an overload to his brain, bombarding him at every edge and every corner and front and side. Remus's body arched into the bed in a futile, instinctual attempt at freedom from the pain. His mouth flew open and his chest expanded as he drew breath for a scream- barely noticing when a gag spell was secured in his jaw to keep him from biting his tongue and to muffle the coming scream. 

When the second dollop of poultice was applied, Remus did scream, a horrible half-wild scream like metal being torn to shreds. The gag spell seemed to do next to nothing in muffling the sound, and the scream seemed to sound from both wolf and human throats simultaneously as they sought escape, relief, help, something to end the pain. 

The scream continued, too loud to endure a silencing spell and not break it, for close to twenty minutes as the poultice was applied and left to soak. Remus's voice had given out by the time the poultice was wiped away. When the second application of poultice came, all that the werewolf could do was arch into the hospital bed and emit low croaks of pain. 

~

The next morning, Severus was watching Remus as he opened his eyes painfully. The dark-haired man waved sarcastically in greeting. 

Groaning lightly, Remus sat up. 

"Good morning."

Looking around the room, Remus noticed it was about midmorning. He had fallen into a troubled, exhausted sleep directly after the treatment. His entire torso still stung and burned. 

"How're you feeling, Severus?"

Severus raised an eyebrow and sent him a look that clearly said "you are asking me this when you are the one that just underwent extremely painful treatment? You idiotic Gryffindor."

"Fine, fine, don't answer. Hey, do you- oh, hellfire."

Remus looked around frantically, trying to sit up before the pain hit even harder and he lowered himself to his bed again. 

"Do you know what time it is? You have your first treatment at seven-"

In answer, the door swung open and in wheeled a nurse and cart full of medical gear.

"Hello, Mr. Snape, it's time for your first treatment. I'm going to need for you to remove your gown from your torso and lie down on your back for me, can you do that?"

Remus shifted uncomfortably in his bed, watching the middle aged woman wheel herself over to the stiff man. Severus glared at the cheery American nurse, even as he did as she asked. 

Five minutes later, when the croaking, rasping gurgles that took the place of screams echoed through the room, Remus screwed his eyes shut in near pain but didn't leave, not even when it renewed into a new round of half-yells. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end... or the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I like this ending, but it's an ending and it's kind of happy. In my opinion it is way too easy, but the two of them have suffered enough so... yeah.
> 
> Also, Remus's and Severus's Marks are taken from "You Found Me" by the Fray. I do not own this song or said lyrics.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> ~Kiro

Time ticked slowly. A week crawled past, punctuated with another two treatments for Severus, but mostly just empty silence and the bored flipping of pages as the two read through periodicals. At the end of the week, Severus was able to hold a spoon and manage grunts of acknowledgement. He still couldn't feed himself, his hands were too shaky for that, nor could he communicate well in neanderthalish grunts, but it was progress.

And he continued to progress. Another week and another treatment later, Severus could speak short sentences, walk with support, and feed himself if someone else cut up his food for him. Another week and he was able to speak normally, if a bit raspy, and feed himself.

During this time the two men became... Well, not close, but tolerant of one another. There was a silent agreement that silence was to be maintained, but if there was something of particular interest to the other it was to be mentioned allowed. It was an easy enough existence. For awhile.

~

"Did you hear about what Potter did to my godson?"

Remus looked up from his magazine.

"Uh, no... Why? Did they get in a fight?"

In answer, the dark-haired potions master lifted the Daily Prophet so the massive headline was visible.

**Opposites Attract? Saviour and Ex-Death Eater Bond As SoulMates**

Remus grinned faintly, filled with longing and bitterness, but true happiness, too.

"Good for them."

As he turned back to his magazine, dark eyes studied him from across the ward.

"Are you thinking of your late Mate? The auror one with the obnoxiously pink hair."

Remus glanced up, surprised. Realizing what the other had said, he let out a startled laugh.

"Nymphadora? No, no, I actually wasn't thinking of her."

He felt the sudden urge to tell the truth, to let his Mate know this one hint that not even his good friends knew. His wolf was there, panting in anticipation, butting up against Remus's barriers, trying to get out. Remus grinned at himself, and allowed himself this one reprieve. Still, he tried to act nonchalant, even as he gave into the urge to reveal himself to his Mate. He flipped the page of his mag casually.

"Actually, Dora and I were never Mates."

Opposite him, the other man's eyes narrowed.

"Excuse me? Not Mates, and yet you married the poor woman?"

Remus blushed, his face flushing red at the personal inquiry. His stare burnt holes in the periodical. He really shouldn't tell Nymphadora's secret. It was her secret, after all, but... she wasn't here anymore. And it was Remus's secret, too. If he couldn't tell his own Mate the truth, then he wasn't a man worth knowing.

"Well, uh, her Mate was... on the opposite side of the war. He... passed on, during a skirmish in the war. Dora was pregnant with Teddy, and didn't want anyone asking questions, and I was available... It was for the good of the both of us, really."

Severus's gaze bored into the side of Remus's head, but he stubbornly kept his face down.

"And what of your own Mate? I saw that you have not bonded with her yet. Were you not afraid that you would meet your own she-wolf who would not take kindly to you being married?"

An image of Severus with dog ears, tail, and fur, wearing a frilly dress and apron invaded Remus's mind. Remus grinned and nearly erupted into undignified giggles, but managed to stop himself in time. He still received an annoyed and questioning glare. Turning his gaze to the dusty, whitish ceiling, Remus diverted his thoughts to become contemplative.

"It's... Complicated. More complicated than you can imagine, and we have not nearly enough time to go into it."

Severus raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"I have seen schemes incredibly more complicated than whatever furry drama you happen to have. Besides, we have nothing but time, and nothing better to do in this purgatory. You have already brought the subject up, so it would be prudent to finish the thought."

Startled, Remus blinked. He couldn't just tell Severus everything, could he? No, surely not, the man would murder him in his sleep. Scratch that, he would make Remus's death as long and painful as possible. But he couldn't just lie to his Mate. He could make it vague, he supposed...

Remus turned his eyes to the ceiling. How to put this?

~

_Have you ever known something, something incredibly vital and important and undeniably true, but something that just makes it seem like all of fate is going against you? Like all the gods, fairies, nymphs, supernatural beings, destiny, and the creator of the universe itself just sat down and decided to do this thing, this one thing, to make your life a living hell? Like perhaps you did something in a prior life, you killed millions of innocent people or kicked orphan puppies into rivers for fun or something, and now life has decided to punish you?_

_You want so badly for you to be wrong, for this one thing that you know to be right to be a mistake, that you almost want to obliviate yourself except that it would still be there. It's not necessarily that the thing is bad, or dangerous, or at least it wasn't to anyone but me. It was that the situation was just so- hopeless, the odds so set against you, that you knew that you could never possibly win. That is how it was- is- for me._

_I was at a disadvantage ever since before my fifth birthday. I am a werewolf, we are shunned by society and placed in cages that- if not corporeal, are formed so effectively by the laws that it doesn't really matter. There is no way that someone would be able to overcome my- condition, to want me. Ever._

_Then there is the whole gay bit. A gay werewolf, I mean life really does not like me, now does it? I mean, for those who accepted my condition it was not that much of a stretch, but for others it was just even more of a reason to set me to the wolves, if you will pardon the pun._

_And then there is the person. I already know who it is, actually, I knew that first day after my sixteenth birthday. The only problem is that- even if they were able to see past my condition, which they cannot, they would still hate me. And I am not sure I wouldn't deserve it. I am some half monster that's done- or allowed others to do- terrible things in my time. I've tried- oh, Merlin, I've tried- to atone for my sins, but some things just don't go away. The enmity of a lifetime can't be wiped away by two minutes of good will._

_It is not that I don't want it to work out. I do. I really, really, wish that it would. But it is not going to. It is never going to. I knew that since that first day after the full moon during my sixth year. No matter how much I long, wish, hope, dream, it is never going to come true. I do not get happily ever afters. Not people like me._

~

Remus looked up into deep black eyes. They burned with- something. Rage was there, pity, disgust, sadness, annoyance, and other things he couldn't see. When Severus spoke, his voice was harsh, rough, and filled with all the emotions to be found in those eyes. Remus flinched.

"How stupid do you think I am, Lupin?"

Remus's face clouded in confusion, fear, and he opened his mouth to enquire, but the enraged other man interrupted him.

"Yes, I am often plagued by alexithymia, but the redamantic connection between us could not go unnoticed by even one as outwardly sociopathic as me."

"I have known for years, since you worked as the DADA professor, and suspected since we were in school. Your behavior during the final battle and here in the hospital merely solidifies my knowledge. I know that I am your Mate. Even if I did not recognize the signs, I sure as hell know my own handwriting from that Mark on your shoulder!"

Remus startled, and with his eyes growing wide with fear, he looked up. His expression cycling through surprise, fear, hurt, curiosity, fear, caution, fear again.

"Wh- why didn't you say anything?"

"Why didn't YOU? I thought you hated me! I thought I disgusted you, you clawed imbecile!"

Severus whipped back his sheets and scrambled unsteadily out of his cot. He stood, panting with rage, and began to pace across the room, grasping things to keep steady.

"You went to incredibly difficult lengths to keep me away from you, to keep me from finding out! Even when we were fully adults and neither of us had liters of hormones coursing through our veins, you did everything you could to keep me away from you."

Severus stopped his pacing, facing Remus to make him feel the full force of his rage.

"YOU MARRIED ANOTHER WOMAN!"

Finally, Severus stopped, panting, rage still pulsing in waves behind his eyes.

Remus found that he couldn't move. He was pinned to his cot, by those eyes, by new realizations, from emotions crashing in, he wasn't sure. It didn't matter, because he was in no way moving from that spot any time soon.

Remus stared at Severus, meeting the eyes with dismay, grief, and guilt unmatched by anything he might have felt before the war. Silence grew thick around the two, oppressive and surreal in its totality. The moments stretched on and Remus felt as if he needed to say something- anything- but when he opened his mouth he was met with uneven footsteps and a slamming door.

~

Severus didn't come back to the room until Remus fell asleep an hour later. When he woke up, he found a cold Severus stoically ignoring him on the other bed in the room.

The silence was tense and malicious, clawing at Remus's throat and eyes and ears like a swarm of mosquitos, each one a tiny cloying thought that refused to leave him alone. He tried to read for about five minutes before he gave up, settling for staring into space and thinking about just how thoroughly he had messed up.

He really had, though. He had thoroughly wrecked the last twenty two years of his life, as well as someone else's, because of some childish fears and long forgotten enmity. He had hurt his Mate irreparably- by not being there for him, for pushing him away, for doing everything he could to keep Severus from knowing. He had told himself that it was for the good of both of them- but was it really?

Severus had spent the last twenty years hidden in the slop of lies, deceit, pain, loneliness, and darkness. No, having Remus there would not have changed that, but he would not have been alone. He would have had someone to talk to, to comfort him, to keep him from becoming so caught up in a horrible war that he could no longer see the light. Instead, he had been hurt even more than he already had been from Remus's actions. He thought that Remus hated and despised him, that Severus was disgusting enough for a werewolf to turn away. This was horrible, irreparable, and and utterly despicable thing for Remus to have done.

The thing was, Remus wasn't sure how to fix it, nor even if it could be fixed. That was, after all, what irreparable meant: unfixable. There was nothing that Remus could do that would put things back to the way they were- but... no. There was no "the way things were."

During the entirety of Remus's and Severus's coexistence, with the exception of that one event during the sorting ceremony, they had been pulled into a whirlpool of shit. From the Marauders' bullying of Severus to the attempt on his life and the OWLs incident, they had been on the opposite ends of enmity. From Remus's Marking to the Severus Avoidance and Severus Protection Policies to the apathetic parting at the end of their school years, they had been caught in the limbo of distrust, avoidance, and suspicion. From Remus's first step back into school to the night where he had forgotten his Wolfsbane to his marriage to Tonks, there had been resentment and confusion and the resurfacing of those half-forgotten threads of rage and loathing. There was no better place to regress to, nowhere to go for a second chance.

The only way that Remus would get any opening at all was to earn his very first chance, the one he had ruined ever since he had chosen not to stand up to his new friends in first year.

~

Two days stretched on in the sterile hospital room. Tense, angry and guilty silence filled the room like fog, clinging to every surface and clawing at everyone's lungs and throat, patient and nurse alike, like heavy condensation. The further it went, the more determinedly and angrily Severus ignored Remus. It was as if the man was a wind-up toy, and the clock hands spun his key as they ticked relentlessly onwards.

Remus was under the impression that Severus was near to the limit of his wind-up capacity when they were interrupted. The dreaded plastic-and-metal cart with the squeaky wheel spasmed it's way through the doorway. The unique sight and sound itself made Remus wince with memories of screams and thrashing limbs and pain. He doubted he would ever be able to wheel a grocery cart again after this without succumbing to flashbacks.

"Well, Mr. Snape, it is time for that last treatment! No more after this, isn't that exciting?!"

Severus merely scowled and began to untie his hospital gown. Remus watched as the thin blue fabric fell away, revealing lines upon lines of pinkish scars and half-healed gashes over the man's chest and neck. Severus shrugged the covering off completely, moving down the bed to lie flat, calmly laying back as if he was not just about to experience horrible pain without any hope of pain meds, followed by a long and painful healing process and even more scars.

In that moment, Remus admired his courage more than he perhaps had at any moment before then. This man had gone through so much, two wars, an abusive childhood, years of spying, and killing his own father figure, and he still found the strength to face horrendous pain and a lonely life without even a hint of apprehension.

And it was in that moment that Remus made a choice. This man, his Destined, had been through far too much bad and not nearly enough good to come close to the balance. He deserved rest, peace, a piece of happiness. And while it may be hard, it may be hell to get Severus to ever trust him, Remus had to give him that chance. Even with the immense cost to himself.

"Excuse me," Remus called out to the nurse, waving slightly and getting up from his cot, "may I speak with you for a moment before you start?"

The overly cheery nurse set down the jar that she had begun to open, looking to Severus and back to Remus in a measuring manner.

"Alright, but only for a moment."

Remus lead her into the hall and shut the door behind him.

~

When, ten minutes later, Remus and the nurse came back into the room, Severus was incredibly annoyed.

"I don't suppose that you could have taken any longer, could you? I want to drag out this process as long as possible."

To this, the nurse merely beamed cheerily at him and went back to her work. Remus sat down on his own cot across from the dark-haired man, apparently lost in thought.

The process began as usual: Severus laid down flat on his back, chest and arms exposed. His arms and waist were strapped down and the cold disinfecting charm was applied. He breathed deeply as the gag charm was cast, keeping his outer affect calm. The scalpel came out.

Severus breathed out heavily as the nurse's gloved hands brought the sharp blade nearer and nearer to his reddish chest. He shut his eyes tightly, mentally preparing for the coming pain.

But the pain didn't come. Instead, Severus was jolted out of his pre-pain trance by- ...a jolt.

Something brushed against Severus's face, shocking him with something that he assumed was static- until it kept going, and going, getting hotter and hotter until it felt like it should burn, except that the feeling wasn't uncomfortable. The electricity- magic, Severus decided- trickled down from the hand- for it must be a hand, what else would it be?- on his temple and down his neck, bathing his entire body in sparks.

From the hand, Severus felt a presence, meek and shy, approach his own mind and magic. It brushed its side gently along Severus's, and he felt the sensation of soft fur, a welcoming mental warmth. Something was touching him soul to soul, a light brush that turned into a long stroke. The stroke turned into the wrapping of one body around his, enveloping him, and his soul reached out to clutch it close in turn.

From behind closed eyelids, Severus could see light building in the room. A bright silver bounced up to the white ceiling and back again, mingling with a sweet honey-colored amber light to form a milky sweet color. Across his abdomen, Severus felt the blanket that had been covering his core fall away. The line across the abdomen grew warmer and warmer, to a near burning intensity of heat. The heat spread over the rest of his belly, though his scars remained numb in a slightly unnerving but not uncomfortable pattern.

It seemed like the touching, the warmth, the soul deep greeting lasted for days, or maybe it was milliseconds, but then it began to fade. The hotness upon Severus's abdomen declined to a gentle warmth, the sense of hugging another being to his conscious faded to the background, and he could once again feel the cool hand on his temple.

A second later, Severus felt the restraints at his wrists click open and heard someone shuffling around, the clinking of metal instruments, and a voice.

"Alrighty, then, Mr. Snape. That should be all, I'll just leave you and your Destined to get caught up, now, shall I?"

The noise of a squealing cart rattled away and out the door, which shut with a final click. Severus opened his eyes.

~

Remus looked down as his love's eyes opened to stare into the werewolf's face. He felt a bit of trepidation, that would probably not flee for a while, but he felt more confident, more happy, than he ever had in regards to this. This was right. This was real.

Remus stroked his hand back and forth over Severus's temple, allowing himself a soft smile. Below him, Severus lifted a newly bandaged arm to glide a finger over the ruined collar of Remus's hospital gown. Beneath it, the silver words stood out in stark relief.

"I suppose that this is the only silver you will ever be able to wear, is it not?"

A tear pricking his eye, Remus nodded.

"Yeah. Y- yeah, it is. But I would rather have this silver Mark than any other jewelry in all the world."

Severus smiled slightly, tracing the words written in his gold-silver script on Remus's skin.

"Just a little late." He looked up to Remus's golden eyes. "That is a bit of an understatement, is it not?"

Remus let the tear fall as he traced the gold-bronze words on Severus's abdomen.

"Not any more than 'Lost and insecure'."

Severus swiped away the tear on Remus's cheek with a potion stained thumb.

"Ah, yes. But you finally found me, and we have a little one to care for, and two Orders of Merlin. So we are no longer lost and insecure, nor shall we be."

Remus nodded, reaching a hand up to clutch the one which stroked his face.

"True words as always, Severus. As always."

Severus hauled himself to a sitting position in the bed, and Remus slid pillows behind him to make him comfortable.

"So you changed your mind, then? You do want a greasy bat like me?"

Remus shook his head with a bitter smile on his face.

"I never didn't want you, Severus. All I did, I did for what I thought would make you happiest, or at the very least safe."

Severus leveled him with an unimpressed gaze.

"I am unimpressed with your analyzation skills, then."

Remus nodded, still smiling. Severus scanned him over, taking in the thin frame, burnt hospital gown, and limp mousy hair.

"So you chose during my treatment to Bond. I assume that has something to do with the fact that I felt no pain during the procedure?"

"Yes. I checked with the nurse beforehand but I thought it might... Help. And, well, you didn't feel anything, did you?"

"Nothing adverse."

The two smirked at each other- well, Severus smirked, Remus smiled.

"So- you really don't mind about Teddy? I know he's not technically either my or your kid, but he is my responsibility and I love him."

"Well I work with little brats all day. I don't see how one more could hurt."

  
Remus smiled and squeezed his Beloved's hand. He had finally found him, and it was just a little late.


End file.
